You are not alone…

I was going through my Face Book page today and I came across this post that shared several pictures. One of the pictures I saw pulled so much into the photo I wanted to share it with everyone.

Rape

Over the past couple of days, I’ve shared information regarding rape. I want to break it down a little more. According to a 2013 report 89,000 rapes are reported a year. And yet 60% go unreported, which means the 89,000 is the 40% that is reported. Theoretically, this means there are a total of 222,500 rapes that occur every year. This may seem like a small number compared to the millions of people that live in the United States to everyone except to the person who was raped and the families affected by rape. I say families because the rape of one person affects how that person deals with relationships, including family members, friends, and romantic. Think about a little girl who is molested by her father or an uncle. A little boy who is raped by his nanny or teacher. A woman who is raped by her husband. A teenage boy molested by his coach. It can tear relationships apart.

None of this even goes to say how the victim is left to feel. A person who has been raped can feel alone or even self-blame. Although there is help from places like rape counseling centers, for some help doesn’t make a difference. Victims of rape can become addicts. Some may commit suicide. However, amongst all this tragedy there are survivors. These are victims who found a way to move forward and deal with what happened. They accepted they are not alone.

As I stated before, I have not legally been raped, but I know this feeling of being alone, this feeling of blame. When I was around 19/20, there was this guy. After several times of refusing to go out with him, I finally agreed. I’ll call him Gerald. He took me to dinner, to the movies, and we even went for a late night walk on the beach. It was there he started talking about oral sex. I said no a few times, but when I went to drop him off at home, he asked again and I said yes. I hated how I felt afterwards. I wasn’t sure what to think. I was already promiscuous so I blamed myself. When I got home, the first thing I did was shower. I felt so dirty, I just wanted to get all of him off of me. When I was done, I put on some night clothes, grabbed a blanket and went outside to sit on the balcony. I had male roommates and all I wanted was to be alone. After a little while, a mutual male friend of one of my roommates came to check on me. I’ll call him Jack. I remember I was crying, but I don’t remember if I told him what happened or not.  He wrapped an arm around me and comforted me. I had a crush on him, so I thought it was nice what he did. Except it didn’t end there. Some time later we went inside to my bedroom and again oral sex occurred. I don’t remember how it even happened, just that it did. I felt worse afterward. I cried again and wanted to be more alone than I did before. For the next couple of days, if I was at home, I was locked in my bedroom. I avoided my roommates and friends if it was possible. I just hid. Not too long after this, I was driving one of my roommates (who I’ll call Scott) somewhere and he asked me what was going on. After a lot of pestering, I told him what happened with Gerald. Scott got upset. We all had this place we hung out together. I’m not sure why, but Scott said we needed to tell the owner so Gerald wouldn’t be let back there anymore. I told him not to, but I don’t know if he did because I never saw Gerald again. I never mentioned what happened between Jack and I to Scott, even though they were friends. Not long after this I moved out of the apartment and back in with my mom. That feeling of being alone stayed with me for a long time. Some years after this, I learned to deal with my feelings, but it would come back to haunt me. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I actually dealt with my past. This taught me a valuable lesson: It’s never too late to get a handle on your past, but I would recommend it sooner than later.

Feeling alone sucks, but the feeling doesn’t have to stay with you forever.

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